When Work Becomes a Drain

The following is a transcript of this podcast episode:

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Hey there — I’m Tripp Lanier. I’m a men’s coach and host of The New Man Podcast.

For over 10 years, I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching men who are serious about their personal, relational, and spiritual development. They’ve had the realization that they don’t want to “follow the herd” and simply settle for mediocrity when it comes to what matters most to them — their lives, relationships, and their work in the world.

As these guys dial in the mindset and specific practices that keep them at the top of their game personally, they inevitably experience friction when it comes to their professions.

As they continue to develop who they are as men, they find that their values and their work may fall more and more out of alignment. As a result, the way they earn a living becomes more and more draining and dissatisfying. This is because for them — work is about more than just making money.

Some may believe that the solution to this dissatisfaction is to just make more money. And while that might be nice, more money may not be the thing that’ll scratch that itch.

So what will?

Right now, let’s explore five basic reasons why many guys may be dissatisfied with their professions even if the paycheck is pretty nice.

Number 1 — They’re hungry for freedom. Perhaps they’re tired of the rat race, the struggling, and the pressure. Maybe they’re getting burnt out. Maybe they’re bored. Regardless, they want more freedom to do what excites them, explore new possibilities, and call their own shots. Even solopreneurs — guys who primarily work by themselves and for themselves — can feel trapped by their schedule, their obligations to others, and all the stuff they believe they have to do just to keep the bills paid.

Number 2 — They’re disconnected from their people. They spend their days interacting with folks that they tolerate. Instead of interacting with their tribe, they make draining small talk, smile and nod their heads when deep down they’re sick of schmoozing in order to stay in business.

Number 3 — Their work doesn’t challenge them. In the past they may have felt satisfied doing what they did on a day to day basis, but now they’re bored. They’re on a plateau. They’re no longer growing or developing professionally. And as a result they’re becoming replaceable.

Number 4 — They don’t feel that their work has any real meaning or purpose. They finish the business day without feeling the satisfaction that their work is making any positive difference in the world. Sure, they may be busy getting stuff done, but so what? They find it difficult to see how their efforts matter beyond just making a buck.

And Number 5 — They’re just not having much fun. Their work is not a place that they tend to simply enjoy themselves. The idea of being able to have a sense of play while also working seems crazy. Hey! There’s no laughing here! We’re trying to make money! Be professional, dammit!

All of this sets up a scenario where they have to deprive themselves in order to be “successful.” And if they don’t course correct, they’ll spend a majority of their lives — decade after decade — continuing to deprive themselves just so they can to simply afford to live their lives.

But does it have to be this way?

I don’t believe so.

I heard author Ryan Holiday say, “If you don’t know how much you need, the default easily becomes ‘more.’” And more of the wrong thing means we’ll never be satisfied — no matter how much more we get. I’ve worked with men who have way more than enough money and yet they still feel trapped on the professional hamster wheel.

You’d be surprised by how many of us get hung up on the hamster wheel trying to make more money in order to escape this scenario. You’d be surprised by how many of us are spending the best years of our lives struggling to make more money when what we’re truly wanting falls into the categories of freedom, connection with others, a sense of engagement, meaning, and pleasure.

But money isn’t the problem here — it’s our mindset. It’s our focus. It’s the misalignment between what truly matters and where we spending our time, energy, and resources.

The good news with all of this is that we can transform this mindset to something much more positive so that we can ditch the hamster wheel and create the livelihood, lifestyle, and relationships we deeply want. The good news is that we don’t need to have a shit-ton of money to have what will truly satisfy us.